Over the past month or so, I have been seized by an overpowering sense of hopelessness. The strangest thing is I cant understand why. I have not (yet) been cast ashore by the giant tide of recession. The job is nice, money is OK and the family is an unending source of fun and fulfillment.
So why this awful feeling? An effort at a "root cause analysis" brings just one thought to mind- "I don't matter". All this running around to complete this and that eventually accomplishes nothing. Zilch!
For a time, I took a lot of pride in what I managed to become. An average, bumbling John Doe without any particular talent or a "skill set" was now a worker ant in a large corporation. I learnt to get by with email, PowerPoint, "reviews" and "next steps" and this somehow sustained a thought that I had arrived.
Not anymore! When I think about it, there is absolutely no value in what I do and the sum total of all my exertions throughout my life are all completely worthless. Apart from the substantial sums of money that has flown into my bank account and the resulting prosperity to my near and dear ones, nothing or nobody is better off because of what I have done.
Is this then the objective? If the ultimate goal of living is to earn a decent living, whats the bloody point?
